The Concealed Man
Chapter Five
If I hadn't been so tired, I would have probably heard the clicking sound of Jade's shoes, half way down the hall. But I was exhausted that I didn't realise she was behind me until her cheery voice made me almost drop the handful of medication that I had been pilfering.
“Hey mate, didn't know you were due back today?” A heartbeat later, and I knew she'd seen the open cabinet. “What's going on?”
I shut the cabinet with a click, and then I locked it securely with the keys I'd smuggled away a little time before.
“It's not what you think,” I mumbled blearily, with my back still turned to her. I had to stuff the goods into my small satchel before she saw. Jade was a great gal, but what I was doing could land me in the dock for serious misconduct. I could get thrown off my course.
“Isn't it enough that Tom got into that stuff? Do you really want to die so badly?”
I didn't know why she had to bring up Tommy. I turned to her, trying not to scowl.
“This isn't for me.” I hoped that she would drop it and let me sneak away, like the good little thief that I was.
“Are you going to shut me out again?”
“What do you mean, again? I've never shut you out before. This is an emergency.” Jade stared at me with narrow eyes and thin lips. I sighed out loud before I told her a little of what was happening. “There's a guy who's in bad shape, malnourished and possibly mistreated. He used to be at Merrifields.” My blood burned as I thought of the scars that I'd glimpsed on Lee's arms and legs -- the evidence of physical abuse that I hoped had not happened at the infamous institution. Jade's face softened a little, and she laid her hand on my shoulder.
“Bring him here -- we can help they guy.” She paused as I stepped away from her. “Where is he anyway?” She folded her arms, and then glared at my continuing silence. “You never took him home did you?”
I threw up my hands with frustration.
“What else was I supposed to do?” She hadn't seen the state he was in -- how the only time he came out from under the kitchen table was so he could pee in the garden.
“Have you gone completely insane? You are breaking so many rules. He could accuse you of anything!”
She was right of course -- I'd done an incredibly stupid thing, but I knew that I couldn't ignore someone in desperate need. I couldn't switch off outside work in the way Jade could. I may be a professional, but that didn't make me blinkered either, not when someone needed urgent help.
“Why are you doing this?”
This was one question that I could answer without hesitation.
“Because it's the right thing to do. It's what Tommy would have done.”
No one else got in my way as I left the building.
****
Lee sat on the edge of my bathtub looking extremely nervous. I'd left the door and the window all open, and was about to light some incense when Lee had started backing away from me. He stopped his nervous gibbering the moment I put the matches down -- I mentally chalked up another item that caused him distress. He calmed after that, and sat back on the enamel surface once more. He looked in better shape than he had a few days ago -- his hair was clean and tied in a ponytail, he was dressed in warm dry clothing. I'd also managed to convince him to eat more than chocolate for every meal.
“There, all done. The last shot should help protect you from the flu. Wasn't that bad now was it?” I said cheerfully. Lee looked to the window, and sighed.
“I don't like this place. I stay out of bathrooms.” His voice sounded so small and weak, though I knew that physically he was very strong -- on the first night I had fallen asleep in the kitchen, but had awoken in bed, to see Lee stroking the wall of my bedroom. If he'd been able to carry me up a flight of stairs to my room, then he was no weakling.
“This whole place is tiled. I'd have thought it was ideal, you can move into the walls whenever you like.” I'd prefer it if he didn't just disappear but wanted to reassure him that he could leave whenever he chose. I just hoped that it wouldn't be too soon -- I'd grown attached to this strange young man.
“Bathrooms are full of metal pipes. They disturb the flow of minerals. I can't go anywhere. He knew that, the dragon knew I couldn't escape. It was his domain.”
“You've mentioned a dragon before,” I said carefully. “What does the dragon look like?” Lee turned away even more, slipping on the edge of the bath. “What does the dragon do?” I braced myself for the worst, fearing what may come next.
“He says I shouldn't tell.”
“All right then, why don't you tell me where you come from? There might be someone worried about you. You can tell me anything you like.” I knew that I was pressing, but I had to know. Lee leaned back, and slid into the bath, pulling some towels over him, and it looked like a mockery of a psychiatrist's couch. I sat on the toilet seat, and waited for what would come next.
****
“The Dragon has big blue eyes and a wide mouth full of sharp teeth. He would stomp into my room most every day. I was never prepared for him, and I kept thinking that maybe wouldn't come, that he would leave me in peace just once, but he always came. He always barged in and roared at me. He was so big and scary, and I was little and afraid. I would cry like a stupid little kid as he forced me into the shower room. He called me a troublemaker, and a dangerous man. But I never hurt anyone.
Other times he came to my room. He would tell me that I was special -- that I was his magical little prince. But he would devour me all the same. He wouldn't look at me after, and he would tell me that he'd hurt me worse, if I told anyone what had happened.
I wished that he would just get it over with and kill me. He could breathe fire and incinerate me if he wanted, but he never did. He would just torment me instead with that damn lighter of his, but his pain only drove me to the fairies.
One day, the Dragon was really angry. He never needed an excuse to hurt me, but that day he kept pushing and shouting at me. He shoved me against the wall of my cell, and I fell straight into it. I hadn't moved into stone for a long time -- not since my little sister, Rosemary died. It was so nice in there, and I just wanted to stay forever, far from the dragon. I could see him pacing up and down my cell, looking angry, but confused too. It felt good to be somewhere he couldn't reach me, and I was so grateful for my ability, the only time I had been.
I realised that I wasn't alone in the wall. There were three strange creatures there -- tiny little fairies. The called themselves the Tayzie and they kept me safe. They knew what I was, but they didn't care. They taught me their language, their stories. I became one of them. No one else could see them but me -- they said it was because I was special. They made it easier to live my life. They stopped me from wishing that I were dead every single day. I wished that Rosemary could have met them. She would have loved the fairies.
But then I heard that my time at Merrifields was over. I had served my sentence, and I was to be released. I didn't want to go -- I didn't know if the fairies would follow me to my new home. And sure enough, they disappeared from the wall on the day I was due to leave.
I tried not to cry when I packed my bags. It had been a terrible place, but it had been my home. No one asked where I would go next, although the dragon said I could stay with him. Even I wasn't that stupid -- if he was a dragon at Merrifields, then he would be ten times worse in his own home. Just because I was eighteen-years old, I was suddenly supposed to carry on with my life as if nothing had happened. I didn't know what to do.
There were a few of us leaving on the same day, but I didn't join the line of zombies waiting for the bus out of here. I went to the gardens instead, where I spotted a statue of the angel. It didn't call to me, but I went there anyway, could see it start to light up and glow as I got closer. It welcomed me, and let me know that it was safe, altering to my touch. I slipped inside its cold structure, and I moulded myself inside. I heard everyone leave me behind. I felt a strange freedom in the confines of the angel. I wasn't trapped -- I left Merrifields just like I was supposed to. It's just that I had a new home now inside the statue, and I was content to stay.
I was there when they closed down Merrifields, and I watched as the building was demolished. I remained inside the sculpture when they moved it to the middle of the East London Cemetery. I watched at all the people who went there, and I knew that Birch, Larry and Hazel, would be proud of me. I used what they all taught me to provide comfort to the mourners when I could. I stopped those who waned to join their dead friends. I reached out a hand, and took away their razors and bottles of pills. The ones that didn't run away thought that I was special, just like the fairies did. I became a Spectre who whispered magical words to those who wanted to end it all. I was someone watching over them in their time of distress. I tried to be a good man.”
****
As the flurry of words flew from his mouth, I knew that the dragon was one and the same as the ‘creepy' guy from Merrifields whom had corned Jade a week ago. The dragon's name was Daniel.
“Thank you for telling me,” I whispered.
“I don't hide in the walls,” Lee said as he sat up in the bath.
“I never said you did.”
“It's just so bright out here.” He squinted, and wiped his eyes.
“No one's going to harm you, Lee.”
“Then why do I hurt so much?” His voice was wrung through with pain. I wanted to draw him into an embrace, to rock him to sleep, even though it was still the middle of the afternoon.
“You've been through the wars. Your bruises and cuts need more attention that I can give you here. Living in a cemetery hasn't done you any favours either.” As I spoke, Lee clambered out of the bathtub, but he still held onto one of my towels, holding it against him like a little comfort blanket.
“I miss my angel --- she's lonely without me.”
“Angels don't get lonely -- they can't feel.” I didn't want him to leave.
“But spectres feel. I feel so much even when I'm made of stone.”
“You're not a spectre, Lee.” He was a survivor of horrific abuse.
“Yes, I am.”
“Please don't go.” I didn't know what else to say to him, didn't know what else to do. I would never restrain him or try to force him into this. I tried thinking of something to say --- something that would keep him here. “Stay with me, Lee,” I whispered.
He smiled for a moment, with unknown dimples that appeared and vanished in almost the same moment. But I knew he was going as I looked into his face, streaked with tears. I knew that he had made his decision.
“Don't worry, Patrick. You will be a stone inside my shoe -- you will stay with me as I limp away.”
With all of his crazy words, and the amazing scary things he had done and seen, I knew that I would miss him when he left.
“You don't wear shoes.”
He looked down at his feet, and curled his toes on the tiled floor. He looked soppy and silly and beautiful. Lee looked beautiful.
He left me there, standing in the bathroom, surrounded by medical supplies. I was alone, more alone than I ever have been. The wall at the end of the hallway glittered as I walked by.
Chapter Six
I invited myself over to Jade's home that evening. I wanted to go right away, but I had to calm down first. It wasn't easy -- whenever I closed my eyes, I thought of Lee, curled up in a ball beneath my kitchen table. I pictured him trying to hide from Daniel, imagined him crying, pleading, and then I could imagine no more, as the blood in my veins would erupt, and I would smash something.
I drank half a bottle of wine out of my last unbroken glass as I waited for the taxi to turn up. I was not the slightest bit drunk when I arrived at Jade's flat twenty minutes later. The buzzing in my head was my anger simmering in the background as I forced a smile. The pain in my chest was just breathlessness from the climb up to the sixth floor where she lived. I knocked on the door, and willed myself to stay focused and calm.
Jade, being Jade, looked surprised but happy to see me. She hugged me enthusiastically on the doorstep. Jade has this way of cuddling that is slow and sweet and usually I love it, but right then, I didn't want anything to do with it. I found myself pulling away a little, before she laid her head on my shoulder.
“Just got some good news,” Jade said happily. “My folks are back from their trip to India. Hope they bought lots of sweets with them.”
I stepped back, and she looked at me strangely.
“I think Daniel may have assaulted the patients at Merrifields.”
Jade nodded, and sat down on her bright red settee.
“How could he do something like that?”
“You believe me?”
“Of course I do -- you're not a liar, Patrick.”
“Any chance of writing my next reference?” I laughed bitterly.
“Hey, you're not going anywhere mate, I won't let you.” She punched my arm playfully.
“Thanks Jade, you're great.”
“Glad you finally noticed,” she said, and grinned at me for a little too long. I began to feel awkward. “So how did you find out? You didn't see anything did you?” she winced as she spoke.
“Lee told me what happened. He called him a dragon, said he wasn't supposed to say, but Daniel's been doing this for ages.”
“Lee? Who's Lee?”
“Lee is the guy I needed the supplies for. He ran away from Merrifields, but he shouldn't have been there anyway.”
“Wait a second!” Jade waved her hand about and looked freaked. “You've taken in a runaway patient, stolen medication for him, and now you want to go up to Kalapi, and tell her one of her staff has abused the clients?”
“We don't have to tell her everything.”
“She's deaf, not stupid. She's going to want to know the whole story.”
“Then she'll have to get it from elsewhere. I'm not going to explain how I met Lee. Daniel has to go -- that's all I care about right now.”
Jade looked at me in an odd way, and folded her arms, but I continued regardless.
“You've seen the way the patients react around him. Daniel can clear a room in five seconds flat.”
“You're grasping at straws.”
“You said you believed me.”
“I do, but I don't know if I believe Lee,” she said with a sigh.
“He wouldn't lie to me. He's shown me so much already,” my voice trailed off when I saw the way that Jade was looking at me now. “I believe him.”
“You're not a mind reader. Things are never simple with issues like this.”
“Abuse you mean -- things are never simple when someone has been abused.”
I was glad that I wasn't a mind reader. I'd never seen the things that Lee had, and his testimony came flooding back. I pictured Daniel, flicking open his cigarette lighter and I felt my stomach clench, felt bile start to rise in my throat until I gulped down some air.
“You're not being objective,” Jade was still talking.
“And you're not being human!” I said louder than I meant it to be.
“What does being human have to do with being professional? How long do you think I'd last if I actually went out there with my heart on my sleeve? That place is like a pile of shit -- the patients are like worms wriggling around all day. If I'm not human then I'm glad because it's the only defence I have from that.”
I had come to Jade for help, not to drive her away with my frustrations. I held her hand and squeezed hard. “I'm so sorry. I'm crazy I know it. But I'm not lying to you.”
“I hate you sometimes,” she snapped and looked away. When she looked back at me once more she was smiling. “I think I know what to do.”
****
I sat in a busy pub in Stratford after work. I slowly sank a pint of beer down my constricted throat. I looked sadly into the wet reflection on the table -- the crescent shape that showed the image of Daniel drinking his whiskey.
“You're a gent, Patrick. I really appreciate this.” He wiped his wide mouth with the back of his hand, and I cranked my smile wider.
“Not a problem mate. How are you settling in?”
“It's different, but things are fine, great really.” His smile was as false as mine.
“So tell me about Merrifields. Was it as bad as everyone makes out?”
The table shook as Daniel slammed his glass down.
“People were too quick to criticise, but it was a decent place.”
“How long did you work there?” I shuffled back a little in my seat.
“Not long enough mate, not long enough. I've worked in a lot worse places. You see I cut my teeth in the prison service. I used to go home with black eyes, bruised ribs, everything. Merrifields made sense to me -- it was orderly and straightforward, everything ran like clockwork, and once you got used to the unique elements, it was the most interesting place … it was very special.”
“Special? How so?”
He shrugged and leaned forward, smiling slightly.
“I've seen things, mate.”
“What sort of things?”
“Things that you wouldn't believe,” he said in a low voice.
“Like what?” I gripped the edge of the table, and waited.
“Why all the questions?” He looked at me sideways.
“Didn't mean to be nosey, it just sounds interesting that's all,” I said casually, though my throat was tight with the anger I felt. Daniel looked at me for a moment, and then took another swig of his drink.
“It was more than interesting, it was downright amazing. I'd have worked there for free.”
“Blimey, was it that good? I mean every job has its perks, but this …”
He looked up at me, right into my eyes, and he smirked.
“I'm dedicated to helping the poor souls. I can't help it if it becomes addictive. I just want to make them happy. Everyone wants to be happy, mate.” He grinned wider now.
“Whether they like it or not,” I said, and the words burned me.
“What are you getting at?”
“You see, Daniel, I've seen things you wouldn't believe too. I've heard things as well, about how you've taken advantage of your position. I've heard so much, and it makes me sick.” I was shaking with rage now.
“Now hold up, mate. You don't know what you're saying. Don't go and do something everyone will regret.”
“Let me tell you a secret, Daniel. I like to watch --- got a collection of films that would keep you busy for a month, but I find the best stuff is always homemade.” I reached under the table, and pulled out the small video camera that Jade had lent me. I flipped open the view-screen, and showed it to him. “There we go, I think you'll recognise this scene. There's Sukhwant going to the bathroom, and that's you following her.”
“Hey! I didn't do anything. You've got nothing on me.”
“Oh my mistake, you must have just gone in to check on her, make sure she was okay.”
Daniel got up. The scrape of his chair on the floor scored my heart with rough scratches.
“There's no safe place for you,” he growled menacingly.
“I don't know about that. I mean, I can't hide in the walls, but I think you're going to be more exposed than I.”
He froze, and turned back to me, teeth bared as he leant over me.
“You've seen him?”
I said nothing, just looked at him with hopefully as much disgust as I currently felt.
“You've seen Lee?” he pressed.
“He told me all about you,” I bit out the words. Daniel's face softened and he paused for a long moment, before he sat back down.
“How is he? I miss the little thing,” he whispered.
“He was one of your clients, a patient in need, and you abused him.”
“No, no I didn't hurt him, would never do something like that. I looked after him.” He was shaking his head frantically now.
“When I met him he was dressed in rags.” I didn't say how malnourished he looked.
“You can't tell anyone about this.”
“There have been enough secrets, don't you think?” I looked up into his narrowing blue eyes, and I wanted to spit. But Daniel suddenly leant even closer, and whispered urgently.
“What do you want?”
“I want you to leave.”
“No, not that, I mean … what do you want so I can see him again?”
“What?” I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
“I have to see my little Lee. Can't you help me out?”
“Have you been listening to me?” This guy was a piece of work.
“I thought he was lost forever, thought I'd never see him again. That's all I want, just want to see the little love again.”
“Resign, go get some help, and leave him alone,” my voice had turned to stone. I gripped my pint glass -- I was one second away from smashing it right into his face.
“I can't leave, I've got nothing else,” he whined. “Don't take this from me. You've just started. You don't know what it's like, what this job does to you. It consumes you, and there's not a single one of us who'll escape it. I found a way to survive … I know it looks bad, but I need him, he's my life.”
“You need some help, Daniel.”
“Do you know I used to look out for him? I used to hide his secret too. What do you think they would have done if they'd found out what he could do?”
“Daniel …”
“No just listen -- you don't know how special he is. I tried to stay away, but he's like a drug. It's madness but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't keep away. He's just so magical, like a little angel, and I couldn't … Even when I was at home, all I could do was think about him, wanted to be near to him, but the little freak was always fighting me off like I was the bad guy. I wanted to help him, comfort him, and all he could do was cry like a baby, and spout nonsense. Well we all have to grow up sometime, and his time was well overdue,” Daniel's voice was quick and sharp as he spoke. “He was sweet do you know that? He tasted just like chocolate, and all I need is just a little more, and I'll be okay. I just need a bite.” His voice was getting louder and faster as he spoke. “You think you're so clever, taking him away, but I'll kill anyone who tries.” He rose with a sudden jerk, and left the pub, striding forwards, barging past anyone in his path. He was insane, probably had been for years.
My mouth gaped open at the admission. I was only roused from my stupefied state by the pressure of Jade sitting next to me. She didn't say anything for a long time, but when she finally spoke, her voice was quiet in the din of the pub.
“I've got whole thing down … everything he said.”
“It doesn't matter,” I sighed. “He's not coming back to work.”
The noise continued around us, life went on, and we sat in our seats until closing time.
© Copyright 2007-2010 Jacqueline Applebee